What is your and you partners love language?
What are your relationship red, yellow and green zones?
What are your unconscious expectations of relationship?
Emotional intimacy is one of the most important skills to learn. People with these skills have happy lives, great relationships, and better health. This is without mentioning the superior financial status as we all know how costly divorce can be.
Marriage counseling is one of the most common reasons for seeking counseling. After years of being in a relationship and devoting so much of yourself to someone else it can be physically and emotionally exhausting when problems do arise. Counseling can see you smoothly through this process.
There are many reasons why relationships and marriages have problems. There could be communication difficulties, differences in values or expectations, honesty issues, infidelity, narcissism, stress, or simply being taken for granted, among many others. We don’t often notice a problem developing. Only when something major happens, such as a huge fight or traumatic event, do we come to realize that our relationship is not what it once was.
The tricky thing with relationships is that the problem presenting itself is usually not the real problem. For example, many couples come to therapy because they argue often or there is no longer intimacy in the relationship. The real problem is not the arguments or the lack of intimacy; the real problem is the thing that causes the arguments, that causes the partner to no longer cherish the other in an intimate way. By clearing away all the presenting problems, we can examine the real cause and give real results that can last a lifetime.
Another stumbling block for many couples is recognizing there is a problem. What is clear to one person may not be clear to the other. Both partners must recognize the problem and want to correct it. It will not suffice for just one person to be invested in improving the relationship – both people must want it. Sometimes, a relationship changes gradually over time in favour of one partner over another until someone is feeling less than equal. The person feeling less than equal may want to change, and when the person who has more control in the relationship wants the same, change will happen. If one person does not want to change for whatever reason, then no matter how well-intentioned, counseling will not be a viable option to improve the relationship because only the desire and will of both people to change can bring change about, regardless of methods used.
Recognize that couples therapy is not just fixing a problem, it is changing the way people relate to one another. The therapist can show you the way, tell you how to get there, but you must make those steps together. The first step in any relationship therapy is understanding the partners and the situation.